Sorry for my silence... Sometimes I lose track of the actual week we're in - all I know is what days I work or have off haha!
I'll be honest: I only read once last week. Reading Scripture and spending time with the Lord has been very dry for me in the last 6 months. I usually chalk it up to the transition and change, but it's been discouraging as heck. A few weeks ago, I finally broke down and was able to process/cry through some of the difficulty of this with a few close friends. I left feeling a little lighter, less guilty, and more hopeful... but at the same time, unsure of what it would look like to try to jump into this study the following week and keep pushing when my heart doesn't feel ready to soak up or engage with the material.
Anyway, I say all this to say: 1) Please give me some grace if I don't jump in 100%. That's my heart's desire, but I'm not going to force it in this season. 2) Here was my takeaway from the week in regards to faith: I think sometimes, faith is even lived out in the understanding that my relationship with God isn't jeopardized by a lack of Bible reading, prayer, and journaling. Obviously it's enhanced by those disciplines, but I think I too often live in "if...then" fear: "If I haven't spent much time with the Lord in the last six months, then I must be doing irreparable damage to our relationship."And that just simply isn't true. My Lord is still the same Lord he was six months ago, and he still loves me the same and has the same patience and grace that he had for me six months ago. So perhaps, at least for now, the real outworking of my faith is being able to walk, work, live, and serve with an unwavering confidence in the validity and stability of my relationship with the Lord, regardless of the circumstances.
Em -
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your honesty with where you're at. Seriously, please feel free to participate in this as much or as little as you feel up to. I would want you to be pushed to Christ, not to some study, and I trust Him to take you in whatever direction would best serve that end.
That being said, I definitely resonate with a lot of what you said. It's weird because, yes, we're in a transition phase, but at the same time we've been there for a while. And now it's getting to the point of being a little frustrating. And yeah He doesn't love me any less, but that doesn't mean it doesn't stink to just feel 'off' sometimes, right?
And then in the midst of all THAT, how to I live out faithfulness? Obviously, the Bible's overwhelming emphasis is on His faithfulness in the midst of my faithlessness. But if faithfulness is an attribute of God, then as an image-bearer I should be starting to live that out in some ways, right?
I don't know. Life is confusing. I'm just excited to keep doing life (Life!) with you, in whatever capacity.
Love you, friend.
Pearl