"Where is your faith?"

But as they were sailing along He fell asleep; and a fierce gale of wind descended on the lake, and they began to be swamped and to be in danger. They came to Jesus and woke Him up, saying, "Master, Master, we are perishing!" And He got up and rebuked the wind and the surging waves, and they stopped, and it became calm. And He said to them, "Where is your faith?" They were fearful and amazed, saying to one another, "Who then is this, that He commands even the winds and the water, and they obey Him?" (Lk 8:23-25)

In Jesus' band of disciples, there are multiple fishermen (at least two(?) in the twelve, and likely more in the larger group of followers). They are literally experts in their field; they know how to gauge the wind and waves, how to navigate storms, and how to - at bare minimum - keep the boat afloat when things are going south. What caught my eye is the realization that they wake Jesus not to say, "Hey Jesus, we are just keeping you in the loop here. You might have noticed that it's been a little rocky, but we are doing our best to get us safely to the other side." Rather, they wake him only in time to say, "We're going to die!!!"

If you ask my dad what the driving force is in my life (aside from Christ, I hope) he would tell you: competence and adequacy. I strive to feel competent, to feel adequate, to feel like I'm "good" at what I do. Apply it across the board... my education, my career, my relationship with God, the way I serve,  the way I do relationships, etc. I am "up" when I feel capable, competent, and adequate. I am "down" when I don't. I am one of the silly, arrogant disciples, acting often in my own pothole of competence: Crap, it's getting windy... Let's ride it out and see if it dies down. Crap, this isn't the smooth sailing I had envisioned for us... I hope the Master isn't annoyed. Crap, things still haven't turned around... but I'm not in over my head yet, I've seen this before and I've got a few more ideas up my sleeve. Crap, my efforts to fix, change, improve aren't working... but I don't want to wake the Master. Crap, I still can't get this ship settled and pretty soon I'm going to have to wake the Master... Crap, I'm officially in over my head. I'm out of ideas, and the situation is now officially unsafe. Someone go warn the Master, we're going to have to jump ship!

When they/I/we do this, they/I/we act not in faith, but in a severe lack of faith. It's only to be expected, then, that Jesus not only rebukes the wind and waves, but also his disciples (and me) for their lack of faith. Emily, it is not your own competence that keeps the ship of your life afloat. It's not your "expertise" as a nurse, a friend, a disciple, a mentor, a daughter, that keeps the waves from crashing over. (It is first and foremost my grace, but that's another story for another time...) So when you do feel the waves crashing and the wind howling, don't waste days, months, seasons striving in your own ability to calm things down. Don't wait to come to Me until the only message you have is "Master, Master, we are perishing!"... come to me much, much earlier. Acknowledge your weakness, your inability to keep things afloat; ask me to make up where you lack; and trust (have faith) that I will be to you and for you and in you all that I have promised I will be.

"Where is your faith?" Help me, Lord, to remember (and live out) that it is in You alone.